So Cat asked an interesting question last night early this morning: Would you rather be in a relationship where the other party loves you more, or one where you love the other party more.
For time being, let’s accept her premise that love can be quantified (and that the dynamic called love is not in equality across the relationship). My answer is, obviously I would like to be in a relationship where I love the other party more.
Cat had the same answer and her rationale was that a person will not take the other party for granted if he/she loved the other party more. There was a downside to this, though. Should anything happen to the relationship, one’d feel more hurt, as one’d have already invested effort into the relationship.
Personally though, I stand by my personal principles on love. If you love someone, approach it with reckless abandon. You’re just looking out for someone else’s happiness. If I love someone (and I do, actually - a few people even), I’d do it till the end of time. I would want them to be happy. So it doesn’t matter if I have to exert more effort than the other party. In essence, to me, the effort is actually effortless.
The question of the former almost never arises, unless sometimes when I am feeling particularly selfish (I seem to be lapsing into that state quite a bit these days), but on the whole, I generally feel that I would be very comfortable in a relationship where I love more than the other party.
Tou posed a question then: what if both parties were looking for a relationship where they want to love more than the other? Assuming that the situation isn’t mutually exclusive, and that both parties are allowed the same preferences, the result is obviously a kind-of Nash equilibrium (this is where you question my sanity: why would anyone sane want to model love as a game? Yes, I watched A Beautiful Mind.), where both parties would put in 100% of their effort into the relationship. In fact, these kinds of couple, in my opinion, are the ideal couple. Sure, they may have a lot of problems, but due to their willingness to put more effort into it, they would solve things better than others.
Of course, that is assuming a lot of unsaid things. Ah, but why bother. I would still love the people I love (you know who you are - parental units, sibling unit, PrettySwallow and Xingyi.. LOL). Even if they turn their backs on me, it’ll never change.
So, tell me, which kind of relationship do you prefer? One where you love the other party more, or one where the other party loves you more? I’m curious to know.
p/s: watch my blog for an interesting announcement soon.
Cool?
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We should have more of these “Staying up till 4am” sessions and talk about random stuff
By the way, the rationale that a person will not take the other party for granted if he/she loved the other party more, doesn’t cancel out the other party (who is assumed to love you less) taking you for granted (it’s just that the roles have been reversed right?).
I think whether you love the other party more, or vice versa, the problem of taking things for granted may still exist, even in relationships where both parties may love each other highly and equally. Why? Because of familiarity and predictability in the relationship over time (which, coincidentally, will be the topic of my next blog entry). This creates a rut and erodes the parties’ “passionate love” (which is one of the love types that we twin-hearted humans have - although I’m not sure about Chewxy, because his system is far more complex and superior).
| Tubby |
it’s not about loving the feeling of being in love. love is a commitment and if you’re not ready for it, don’t even think about starting it. you need to be ready for the problems arising from this period of finding out the other’s character in a deeper way. you may come to realise that you might not know the person that well after all. take the time to discover who that person really is and are you ready to accept all the imperfections, the flaws. if you are, then take a step foward. if you aren’t don’t step anywhere.
This concept of love is something I won’t understand for a loooooong time.
drinkingcocoa: reminds me of a question the other Xy asked me - if I like being in love, or like the feeling of being in love…
cfgt: watch more Special A!
Love has not been kind to me, so I avoid discussing it. But I’d definitely want the other person to love me more.
Hasn’t been kind to you? You gotta be blind.
What? Are you suggesting I’m as ignorant as Hikari?
Love is not just about feelings. It involves commitment, friends, family.. etc.
cfgt: could be. Or you could find a girl with a secret like Haruka. (If you DO find someone like Haruka, I want in too… her house is maaaaaadness, and I could always do with some extra money - which I’m sure she wouldn’t mind donating to me)
Yh: I have no idea what you’re talking about