Things You Cannot Un-See

I saw some things that I cannot un-see today at work. And since I saw it, it is only altruistic to spread it to you, my lovely lovely readers. And since I have no camera, you readers would have to imagine. I will try to describe it as best as I can.

First up: An old lady answered the door after I knocked on it like 1 million times.She’s about 70-ish years old, whole head full of white hair. She is wrinkled in her skin, and she is wearing a blue men’s t-shirt. Now imagine all the saggy skin from the arms, neck and legs. It’s especially important to imagine the latter part, since she wasn’t wearing pants. Let me repeat that. She.Was.Not.Wearing.Pants. Or anything below the waist. Here’s how our conversation like:

Me: Hi, g’day, how are you? I’m (job description) here today, and would like to ask you a few questions?

Old Lady: I’m so sorry I didn’t answer your first few knocks. I was busy. (giggles)

Me: Oh that’s all right. If you’re busy I can come back later to help  you with the census.

Old Lady: Nah, you’re all right

Me: (asks some routine demographic questions)

(male voice calls)

Old Lady: comiiiing! (to me) Sorry luv, do you mind coming back a little later?

And then she waddles off inside, leaving me to close her door for her. I closed the door for her, but not before catching a glimpse of her bare arse. That’s something you cannot un-see.

Second case: Different house. I knock on the door and this giant of a man came out. To picture him, imagine the typical 60 year old man, balding and has a big round beer belly. When I say big round beer belly, I mean, imagine the beer belly flopping over. Now, in your imagination, cover that body with lots of body hair.

And now, imagine that man wearing black thongs. As in, like a bikini bottom, but black.

It rained this afternoon and it also hailed. I looked up at the sky when it rained, but even the most torrentious rain couldn’t wash off what I saw. Damn.