Truly, one of the worse things that can happen to Man is insomnia. And I have been having it for several days now. My eyebags are as big as a panda’s. Several things have been keeping me up lately and I guess a good way to let go of it short of meditating would be to blog about it. And granted, this blog has laid quiet for a while, so I reckon its time to spice it back up (speaking of spice, I am currently nursing a chai latte – cause of insomnia p’raps?). So, these are the things that are bugging me (long ranty stuff in it):

Doctor Who theme song.
Yes… for the past few nights, the Doctor Who theme song has been repeatedly playing in my head (the 2005 Rose Tyler-Martha Jones version). And during the day, I would be troubled by the Master’s drumbeats (which curiously I noticed IS the Doctor Who theme song, minus the melody, but retaining the rhythm.) Everytime I shut my eyes, I hear ooOOOOoooooo… grr, and that is irritating (speaking of which, it is still playing in my head now).

Randomness
Ah, this topic is a little difficult to explain. I am enamoured by the idea of randomness. I love the idea of randomness, and how the human mind cannot fully understand randomness. On the other hand (haha, insert Richard Nixon one handed economist joke here), I also like the idea of orderliness, of control. Part of me tells me that randomness cannot be controlled, cannot be anticipated and cannot be calculated (what Benoit Mandelbrot called haphazard behaviour); and the other part of me tells me that there is a hidden order to things, and I would want to be the first one to find that hidden order. Maybe that part of me is borne because I am a control freak. I don’t know. And you know what is bad when I get these slight glimpses of something I can hardly comprehend? I read more on the subject and get my mind stuck on the subject for days.

In recent years I found an extreme opposite flaw to my usual flaw – anyone who knows me knows I have a string of incomplete project, that I cannot stick my head to one thing and finish it – and the extreme opposite flaw reared its head in recent years. There are now some topics that I will stubbornly complete, no matter the cost. One is to get published in a famous journal. Another one is to successfully run Pressyo. It seems that there is a tipping point at which I will move from the lackadaisical extreme to the pit-bull extreme. And usually its when I know enough about something (or in the case of any of my past relationships, when I know someone well enough)

So, I read more on the subject. I always had a passing interest in randomness. Being random, and the issue of randomness isn’t new to me or my contemporaries (you know, people like cfgt – his blog is called Random Ideas afterall). Randomness was an element in my essay on systemic risks for my Microeconomics class. I read Fooled By Randomness and The Black Swan when those books first came out. And guess which books I reread in my holidays? Only this time it sucked me in so deep I suddenly find myself insomniac in the deep end, reading the likes of Benoit Mandelbrot, and reading papers on BTW Sandpiles (which has nothing to do with economics, by the way… the BTW Sandpile was one of the first examples of self-organized criticality – also an element in my essay on systemic risks) and various SOC related papers.

And so, yes, I have been staying up the past few nights, humming the Doctor Who theme, while reading stuff on randomness. And just when you think it couldn’t get more random..

Graduation
This was on my mind last night. I had attended a friend’s graduation, and I know my graduation is soon. And I was freaking out. I really like university. Graduation means the end of formal education (to a point that is) and off into the working world. It’s not like I don’t like to grow up, but… argh, I guess this is how impending death feels like to most normal people.

Last night I had contemplated long and hard about giving my own graduation a miss. I mean, its just for a bloody cert. And every Tom Dick and Harry has a uni degree nowadays. There is nothing special. I had not changed the world. There is nothing to celebrate. After some long and hard thought, I am still giving it some long hard thought (this time with lots of rational and objective considerations thrown in), though I am leaning towards not missing my own graduation (it gives utility to my parents more than it gives me utility, so in my opinion that would be a good idea).

And yes, this moment of verbose insight, vomitted upon you my audience, shows that despite what I normally say about detachment, I don’t really practise what I preach – I am still human afterall . The Really Rational Chewxy (that takes into account the greater good and stuff like that) would point out that a graduation ceremony is just an event, and not a significant signifier of sorts, and that learning can still happen after graduation, plus the additional utility gained from seeing my family. And I agree with Rational Chewxy. I shall leave the issue at that. For now (of course its for now)

Pressyo
A lot of interesting things are happening to Pressyo. I feel we’re understaffed, and underfunded. But as far as startups go, we have to make do with what we have. I love running Pressyo.  At Pressyo, we’re about to launch a new version of the website with more bells and whistles, but progress is slow. And on the business side of things, we’ve just signed a contract that will provide Pressyo with income. But the paperwork to be done is mindboggling. Whatever happened to the gentleman’s handshake (or as the Chinese would put it, 讲意气)?

Being understaffed and underfunded means we have to do things slowly. As they say, “good, fast, cheap; choose two”. We chose good and cheap. I am hoping we made the right choice. A lot of system is being put in place. When I was younger, I didn’t understand the point of bureaucracy. Now, I find it ironic that we’re setting up bureaucracy for smoother runnings in the future.

I think I am beginning to treat Pressyo like my baby. Which is what I set out NOT to do, in order to have a clear, objective mind about what to do. Somehow, re-reading The Black Swan has caused me to rethink Platonicity (as Taleb puts it). Or maybe I have been treating Pressyo like my baby all along and I was self-deceiving all along. Still, I don’t know whether this is good or bad, and this thrills the frak outta me.

Think Tank
This idea has been in my head for ages. And I think this would mark the first time I’m voicing this out loud. I am by no means a high achieving student in uni. In fact, if you look closely, my scores are pretty abysmal. And on the other hand, I have 2 friends, one is a valedictorian and the other a university medalist (in different subjects and different social networks). I know cfgt, whom I know doesn’t do well in exams, but hell he’s a genius like no other. I had been kicking around the idea of setting up a random thinktank where all my smarter friends can gather round and toss ideas at each other. But that’s still in the running. I am not going to be starting things I cannot finish.

Publishing in a famous academic journal
Yes, this has been bugging me too. For the past few weeks in fact, whenever I close my eyes and let my brain settle, I see bits and pieces of an article I have yet to write, being published in an academic journal. It’s like I am remembering the future. I have a fairly nebulous idea of what the hell is going on, but everytime I steel myself to sit in front of the computer to write it, it disappears. The mind goes blank. Instead, Digg and Reddit comes out. One of these days I am going to have to enclose myself in an internet-less place and force myself to remember what I wrote in the future. One of these days.

I guess this is all that is bugging me. I shall go back to trying to sleep, or else I won’t be able to keep awake at work tomorrow.

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