Former White (Bread) Supremacist Goes Multigrain

This post was originally published on 518th August 2008. Images have been lost to the mists of time, and have been replaced with placeholders.

AUSTRALIA – In a dramatic turn of events, former Crustum Candidus Clan chief, Chewxy, has made a 180 degree about-turn and declared the evils of white (bread) supremacy, following sales of discounted multigrain bread in national retailing leader, Coles.

The former Great Lion of the Clan explains that the fact that the multigrain bread going for almost a dollar cheaper than the usual brands of white bread he buys is a major factor in his defection of the Clan. Mr. Chewxy did not specify if other factors were affecting his choice.

[IMAGE][CAPTION: Chewxy’s 9 Grain Bread]

“The fact that the 9-grain bread I have chosen to buy being almost a dollar cheaper than the usual Mighty White bread I buy has finally brought me to my senses. I thought to myself – if the 9-Grain bread were so much cheaper, I would get more value for money.”, the former white bread supremacist said, when interviewed. He also added that at this point in time, white bread supremacy is “an utter waste of money”.

Reaction from current Clansmen ranged from disbelief to anger. Many think that this recreancy requires rapid remedy.

“There is no way you can be the Grand Lion of the CCC for one moment and then defect and embrace the multi-grain bread the next”, says a Clansman who was masked and only gave his initials as T.V.

“I can guarantee you that some lynching is due to happen”

Another Clansman, who was also masked and gave his name only as C.F.G.T says that it’s all part of a major conspiracy baked up by the media to mislead people.

“You see, it’s all… part of the plan” he said, while waving his hands in circles wildly.

The former Crustum Candidus Clan chief, Chewxy, however, denied such accusations.

“What rubbish. I believe I have found my true loaf with this multi-grain bread.” he said. He also adds that he is poly-epicurean and consistently eats three to four pieces at one go. “Plus, its good for my alimentary tract”, he adds.

[IMAGE OF PIE][CAPTION: The pie is another under-represented minority in the pastry industry.]

His actions have widely been hailed as the first steps in better intertoastal relationship. However, some are cynical about this.

“While we welcome this wonderful vvicissitude, we will watch, and make sure its not just a temporary whim or fancy,” says Martha Ophelia Ma, spokeswoman of the Centre for Equal Leavening, an anti-white bread supremacy group which promotes the equal consumption of different grained baked goods.

Mr. Chewxy cofounded the Crustum Candidus Clan in the early 1970s, and has been a staunch supporter of white bread since. The name literally means White Breadcrumbs Clan in Latin.

2 Comments Former White (Bread) Supremacist Goes Multigrain

  1. honkytonkwillie

    I just found your Magic, Lost blog post through a link on news.ycombinator.com. I commented there ‘cuz I had something to say. I followed your Best Of link and found this whitebread post. Lest you think I’m some weird stalker fan-boy of your blog – I debated for a while whether of not to make a whole second comment. Whatever. It’s poignant. To me anyhow.

    Your toying with Latin reminds me of my father who passed away a couple years ago. He was a funny guy. Ultra-dry sense of humor. The kind of wisecracks that wouldn’t sink in until hours or weeks later when it finally made sense and you’d find yourself laughing out loud, so far temporally out of context, it just added to the hilarity.

    Anyway, as a teenager, my dad was sent to the seminary by his family, in an attempt by his parents, probably quite common at the time, to determine his future. That future being a Roman Catholic Priest. It didn’t turn out the way my grandparents hoped. But my dad had many friends from those times, and many did become priests. He kept in touch with most of them. I noticed as a child all those friends of his closed their letters to each other with “Pax Christi”, peace of Christ, as a Catholic inside-joke or homage to the days when they learned Latin in school. Or something.

    I was a grown-up when I saw a letter my father had written to one of his friends with the closing Pax pan. I didn’t get it at first, as I didn’t learn Latin properly, so I didn’t think much about it. A few days later it hit me. “Peace of bread”! Ha!

    As I’m yet older now I realize my dad probably didn’t make it up. He more likely saw it somewhere and used it now and then when it would be funny. That wisecrack may in fact be almost two thousand years old now that I think about it.

    Look. My word count here may be more than yours at this point. Thanks for making me think about my dad.

    Reply

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